lohoyall

So, I know this is a weird post to start the blog back up with. And I've been sitting on it for a week or so. But, well, this is the internet, and it's my day off and I'll cry if I want to. So here's a letter I wrote to Norman and then I'll be done with the eulogizing. He wasn't just a dog, I'll fight you if you try to say otherwise.

hey monkey,

 i remember the day i met you. you weighed four pounds and both of your ears still laid down flat. the first thing we noticed about you was that your eyes were the same color as mine. that's when i knew i loved you.

i wasn't running with the Lord when you came into my life. i wasn't exactly running away either, but i was a sad broken version of myself looking for love in all the wrong places. i didn't know how to turn it around. or didn't want to, one. i needed help overcoming a lot of lies about myself and about the world that i'd been listening to for a long time-- but not the kind of help that tells me how stupid i'm being, cause i wasn't ready to listen. i needed the kind of help that would depend on me and love me and snuggle with me, but without all the human selfishness that messes those things up and gets good girls into trouble. God knew that. and then there was you. with your short little legs, your big wormy belly, and arguably the single most obnoxious yap on the planet.

you grew so fast! and one at a time your ears started to stand up. you were slowly becoming  the norman we all (maybe not all, but definitely I) knew and loved. remember the first time we went to the dog park and you were too socially anxious to move more than two yards away from the gate until rufus went with you? remember when you ate half a box of rat poison and i had to try several methods of vomit induction before you puked it up? (confession: i did this because i couldn't really afford to take you to the after hours emergency vet clinic... you survived, it's fine.)

i never did find out what breeds were involved in your genetic makeup... and believe me, every one asked. you were a goofy lookin' dog, buddy. and not the most conventionally-likable personality, let's be honest. you assumed everyone thought you were wonderful, but also had some major trust issues. and i suppose you came by the mile-wide independent streak honest. your aunt alex put it this way, "he wasn't just a dog, he was.... you." (it's okay that we're sassy, people love it.)

God blessed me with the funniest little friend when he brought us together. you were in my life for a very specific season -- you took care of me just as much as i took care of you -- and i'm so thankful for you. i'd be lying if i didn't say i miss you like crazy. i would pay a million pet deposits and give up a million fossil watches and forfeit ever having hair-free sheets ever again to change what happened. but, as hard and as sad as it is, if you were the kind of dog that stayed in your fence you just wouldn't be the dog i fell in love with. you wouldn't be Norman.

so don't worry about me. the maker of the universe is working all things together for my good. things will slowly come back around to some semblance of "normal." but there's never gonna be another Norm. 

                                  love forever, mama.